Fear

You have good days, and bad days during chemotherapy.   My bad days come about two days after stopping the steroids, and these low points get lower and lower.   Generally, this is something that I can handle, but there was something that happened Thursday that really had me down.    I was researching chemo-brain.    It is a real condition, although according to an article on foxnews.com, it wasn’t given any credibility until 2004.    That was enough to set me off, but I will save that tirade for another day.

Chemo-brain affects your cognitive abilities.   Some people report that it is as if they are in a fog the whole time, or that they lose items, have some memory loss, and can’t focus.    For me, there is a focus issue, in that focusing my attention for long periods on a particular item is difficult, but the largest issue is my inability to multitask.   Since I am in the computer field, this is a big deal.    I normally administer several disparate computer systems, and must do this simultaneously.   Right now, I can’t.  

As I was researching chemo-brain, I wanted to know when it would go away, when I would have my faculties back.    Answers varied from months to years.  And then fatigue and low emotional state took over and whispered into my brain:  ‘It may never come back.’    That thought had me the most frightened of the entire ordeal.    My wife, God bless her, recognized what was happening and suggested I take an Ativan.    This is prescribed for anti-nausea, but it is also an anti-anxiety drug with sleep aid benefits.   I am better now, but it was a frightening few hours.    We’ll be better prepared for the low point after my final round of chemo, which is May 5.   I won’t get that low again.   And if my abilities don’t come back, I’ll just add that to the list of things I have to deal with.  

As for the rest of the time, I took one anti-nausea pill for nausea, and my taste went bland for 4-5 days.    So in that regard, it has been easier.  However, I am far more tired through this round than I was the previous treatments.    This is expected, but I don’t think I could have prepared my self for it.   

Better late than never

I know it has been quite some time since my last post, but there really hasn’t been much to report.   And that is a very good thing.    I took anti-nausea medication for 3 days.   I lost my sense of taste for 4 or 5 days.   The biggest issue, and the one that kept me from updating the blog, was fatigue.   Around 2 or 3 o’clock every afternoon I started to feel drained.   By dinner time, my communicative skills devolved into grunts and pointing like some kind of bald neanderthal.  

Speaking of bald, I haven’t quite lost all of the hair on my head.   Only 98% of it.   And now I need a haircut.   It is a very odd sight.   That 2% Marine Corps hair is hanging in there, and will not let go without a fight.   I am very proud of it.  I have some pictures of me before and after the hair loss so you can see how it has changed me.

Before:

 

And after:

I don’t think the change is too bad, and when I wear a hat it is barely noticeable. 

I am posting now from the chemo chair at the Bruno Cancer Center,  taking round 3 of 4 chemo treatments.   I hope that this treatment goes as well as the last, and I will try to do a better job of keeping you informed, even if there is nothing to report.   Be warned though, if I am as tired after this treatment as I was after the last, you will get a post that will read as if The Hulk wrote it:  Hulk tired.   Hulk eat.   Hulk need sleep!

I can’t say enough good things about the folks here at the Bruno Cancer Center.   They are top notch.   God bless every one of them for what they do.